on love & metaphors

".... metaphors really do shape the way we experience the world, and that they can even act as a guide for future actions, like self-fulfilling prophecies.

Johnson and Lakoff suggest a new metaphor for love: love as a collaborative work of art. I really like this way of thinking about love. Linguists talk about metaphors as having entailments, which is essentially a way of considering all the implications of, or ideas contained within, a given metaphor. And Johnson and Lakoff talk about everything that collaborating on a work of art entails: effort, compromise, patience, shared goals. These ideas align nicely with our cultural investment in long-term romantic commitment, but they also work well for other kinds of relationships -- short-term, casual, polyamorous, non-monogamous, asexual -- because this metaphor brings much more complex ideas to the experience of loving someone.

So if love is a collaborative work of art, then love is an aesthetic experience. Love is unpredictable, love is creative, love requires communication and discipline, it is frustrating and emotionally demanding. And love involves both joy and pain. Ultimately, each experience of love is different." 

– Mandy Len Catron, "A better way to talk about love" 

all of the time

C: What if we ran away? I’m serious. What if the last few years were just a bad dream, and we ran away? ... I got cash. I got a bike. We could go wherever we wanted. We don’t have to tell anybody if we didn’t feel like it.

M: I don’t need any of my stuff. I don’t. I really don’t need any of my stuff. I hate all of my stuff.

C: I’m serious. As soon as the sun comes up, let’s go.

M: Well, what about all of the time?

C: It doesn’t have to bother us. If we don’t let it.

Girls , S5E6

Girls, S5E6

just a hit of that

"It's just a hit of...that 'Where are you?' It's just a text, that gives you that peace of mind," Sudeikis says. "I know I've felt that as a guy in various relationships where it's like 'I'm shit, I'm shit.' Boom. A text from somewhere comes out of the ether that just makes you feel like you're worth something."

climbing mountains

Don: What are you thinking right now?

Betty: I'm thinking about how different you are, before and after. I love the way you look at me when you're like this. But then I watch it decay. I can only hold your attention so long.

D: Why is sex the definition of being close to someone?

B: I don't know. But it is for me. It is for most people.

D: Just because you climb a mountain doesn't mean you love it.

B: Climbing a mountain? Is that what making love is to you?

D: If we'd lied here together with you in my arms, I would've felt just as close. Now the rest of it, I don't know. I don't know. It doesn't mean that much to me.

B: Is it the same with Megan?

D: Why do you want to talk about that?

B: That poor girl. She doesn't know that loving you is the worst way to get to you.

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"They say all's fair in love and war..."

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” — Bob Marley

"Just because they're happy together, doesn't mean they're not sleeping with others."

“You mean as in Dan Savage’s idea that marriages should be non-monogamous? I can’t really see it working for heterosexual couples. — Not yet, but we couldn’t see premarital sex once either. We are a generation that believes in self-fulfillment, but also in commitment, and in their negotiations between these two ideas they will come up with new negotiations around monogamy...It doesn’t mean it will fit everybody. But I do believe it’s the next frontier.”

— "Why We Cheat" via Slate Magazine

seduction

"...becoming aware of this general imposture that concerns all of us would ease our love relationships. It is because I want to be loved from head to toe, justified in my every choice, that the seduction hysteria exists. And therefore I want to seem perfect so that another can love me. I want them to be perfect so that I can be reassured of my value."

-- Yann Dall'Aglio, "Love -- you're doing it wrong" (TEDxParis , Oct 2012)