Re: "Masters of Love" via The Atlantic

from: me
to: Rose
date: Thu, Jun 19, 2014 at 5:26 PM

feelin some type of way
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/


from: Rose
to: me 
date:  Fri, Jun 20, 2014 at 3:00 AM

I love how it reinforces the constant life point that framing / word choice / etc has such a PROFOUND impact on life. I wonder if many peoples relationships would change if they were just made aware of the effects of their interaction style.

Something I think is also very interesting and alluded to in this article- the easy tendency to get into a "you vs me" mindset in a relationship. If you take things personally you can start to view the other person almost as the enemy ... Then when they reach out to you with "bids", you assume they are coming from a negative place and reject their outreach. I've fallen victim to this before and have to very actively remind myself to think of the other person as my teammate, not as my opposition. This makes me more likely to both extend more bids and react positively to offered bids.


from: Rose
to: me 
date:  Fri, Jun 20, 2014 at 3:00 AM

Yeah, definitely. Everything from tweaks in intonation (if communicating in person) to word choice (e.g., our thoughts on "ha" and "sure"); given that it's not a matter of only investing in what you are trying to communicate, but knowing exactly how to communicate it so the other person is most likely to hear it. It's crazy how applicable this is to all aspects of life that require human interaction; one of the other first relationships that came to my life is parenting / child discipline. I remember during my teen years, my mom would yell at me / our family when we were doing things that were displeasing to her / her tigermom ways. I would constantly give her feedback to stop approaching it from a "you suck" standpoint but rather a "you could improve if..." because my mind tends to automatically shut down when she starts from a berating and negative tone. Finally, after many trials and errors (it only took her 8ish years), I think she finally got it and now has far more effective communication (read: gets me, dad, and Ashley to do the things she wants us to do).

Also, so true on the us vs. them mentality. In a way, ivery similar to the language framing -- "mind framing"!